let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
