Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
