So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
