I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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