I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
