he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
