you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
