We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
