Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
