his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
