you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
