im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
