Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
