I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
