): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
