Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
