I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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