ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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