Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
