so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
