I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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