Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
