I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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