I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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