he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
