The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
