I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize