Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
