Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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