is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
