Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
