I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
