Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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