So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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