Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
