Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
