Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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