if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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