I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
