I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
