There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
