i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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