What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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