how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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