I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
