Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
