What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
