i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Everything about him screamed your future.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
