you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
