I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
