You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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