a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
