I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
