i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
