You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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