Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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