So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
