This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
