i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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